Athazagoraphobia
by bloodypleasure
Summary: ReitaxKai sweet and tragic and slightly funny. sorry for my absence. un-betaed."Please don't leave me…" Kai said. Reita gently took the hand; he kissed the hand off handily.
1. Chapter 1

Athazagoraphobia

1

"Reita? Reita, wake up!" Kai crouched near Reita's head and shook his shoulders slightly. Reita still sleepy got up, forgetting his habit of not wearing much to bed, and went to the kitchen. Kai was shocked still; he was still staring blankly at the bed. Reita awake now, but not dressed saw Kai sitting still and laughed.

"Kai snap out of it! You're meeting her today." Kai sighed; he was in love with a man who was in love with someone else. Kai went to his room to change and wait. After Reita got dressed and ready Kai got up. Reita was stunning in all-black, only his nose-strap was the same opaque pearl color. In his usual bad boy style of course. Kai was innocently beautiful in dark grey. They both sat down by the entry way to pull on their boots and coats. "She doesn't know that she's meeting you yet." He said smirking. Getting in the car, Reita sped to the meeting place, the fountain in the park. Reita was eager to see his girl, to sort out last night.

Kai, being sick from the last tour and pushing himself too hard for the band, had passed out in the shower. Getting a wet, cuddly, kawaii Kai out had turned him on, more than anyone else had, including his girlfriend. What was worse was that Kai was incredibly bad at hiding his attraction for him…and that kept Reita up all night, wondering why he was 'happy'.

Reita pulled up near the fountain, you could see a slim woman, with pigtails and a large red bag. Kai stiffened, the figure was familiar, painfully so.

"Hey Reita?" Kai asked nervously. "What's her name?"

"Emi why?" Reita said quickly looking at Kai. Kai just smiled.

"I won't bring it up not if she hasn't already." He muttered as they got out of the small black car. Reita and Kai walked over to Emi who ran up to Reita giving him a hug with a smile. He kissed her forehead and introduced Kai, she nodded and smiled.

"That's odd; I think I used to date a man named Kai…maybe. Ha-ha doesn't matter anyway does Reita talk about me? Its good things I hope!" she said laughing obviously not bothered by it. Kai just pasted on a smile and nodded every six seconds and smiled robotically every three. The only one to notice how robotic Kai acted was Reita, who wondered what was wrong. After about an hour of talking Kai withdrawing into a shell of a character, shaking slightly. After an hour and a half Kai's phone rang, it was Mr. Manager. Obviously looking for a way out he quickly answered, moving away to talk. Reita took his chance and hugged Emi, not expecting but hoping for a rush of something. What he felt, nothing? Emi looked up at him, still nothing. He let go troubled and confused. This wasn't right, he shouldn't feel more attracted to Kai then Emi…should he? Looking at the ground thinking on what he was feeling, Reita didn't noticed Kai walking back obviously wanting to leave shaking more openly now.

"Reita?" Kai asked bending into Reita's field of view. Reita's traitorous heart leaped at the sight of Kai. "Reita I have to go to the office…or somewhere far from…um yeah I have to leave can you drive me?" Kai stumbled out. Reita nodded as muttering Kai walked to the car. Looking at Emi, who was scratching a small round red spot on her collarbone, Reita turned and walked to the car as well, worried about Kai. In the car Kai looked on the verge of tears, just shaking his head no when Reita was about to ask what was wrong. "I just want to go." Getting to the studio he pulled out a cigarette to smoke. After ten minutes he seemed to be calm and he flicked the cigarette away and walked in. The Manager was sitting at a table surrounded by papers.

"Ah what are you doing here?" Reita looked at him confusedly. Manager was sitting looking more confused the Reita. Kai sat down at the desk and pulled out his pact of cigarettes that the Manager had took from him. He got up and taking out his favorite Zippo left the room, lighting one up. His hands were still shaking.

The car was quiet as Reita drove around happy for once that Kai didn't have a license. He was shaking like mad and the cigarettes didn't seem to help and Kai, in frustration threw them in the back.

"Where do you want to go now?" Reita said worried about his friend. Kai turned his head to the window and seemed to sink into the seat as he gave up on whatever he was trying to do.

"I just…I just want to go home." Kai said shaking. His voice sounded so sad that it made Reita's heart ache just to listen to the normally positive and happy man. Well, unless you messed with his drums. When they got home Kai rushed in, Reita followed deeply concerned and confused. Kai sat on the far end of the couch in the living room shaking running his left hand through his hair as his right hand fumbled at a phone. Reita faintly heard dial-tone as he came up behind Kai to see if he needed anything. Swearing Kai hung up and tried another number, Reita was very worried, this wasn't like Kai…something was very wrong. The phone started ringing and Kai seemed to be relived for a minute then his face darkened again as what Reita could only guess was an answering machine. "Aoi…Aoi please pick up…it's happening again. It's really hard this time, even the cigarettes didn't work. Ruki wouldn't pick up…nothing's working…I'm so cold…please call back." Reita was shocked to hear such a desolate voice come from Kai. What was going on? Reita was panicking but tried to keep a steady outward appearance, he sat on the couch, exactly three inches away from Kai.

"Kai? What's wrong?" Reita set a hand on the slightly shaking back, startled at how cold he was. Kai looked at him, his eye's slightly dead. "Kai…what happened? You've been acting weird all day and I really want to know what is going on!" his phone rang and Kai picked it up, his face seeming animated for a little before it darkened again.

"Why can't you? You've been doing it for a while! All I need is you to find something that…yes…no, not Uruha…yea Reita…fine…No! I won't! He can't…he wouldn't…yea okay but when he doesn't want to come down here and help."

He held the phone out to Reita and slouched slightly down like he lost hope for whatever he was desperately trying to do for the last two hours. Reita grabbed the phone. "Hello?" there was a strange noise and a mumble, along with the sound of a shower.

"Reita? Reita its Aoi, you've noticed Kai acting odd right?" Aoi said carefully.

"Aoi? Yeah I've noticed what about it?" Reita said wanting some answers.

"Well you know phobia's right?" Aoi started out.

"Yeah I have an irrational fear of heights and Ruki." Reita said. Aoi laughed.

"Oh the fear of Ruki is entirely rational. But Kai has Athazagoraphobia."

"Yeah…I knew that…" Reita said mentally trying to remember what the hell it was. Aoi laughed again.

"You have no idea what it is do you?" he laughed out. Reita muttered no. "It's the fear of being forgotten, I want to ask something very serious, I need you to calm him down. He may not look like he's freaking out but…"

"He's shaking like mad, I don't think he knows but he's muttering some kind of chant…yeah he's freaking out." Aoi laughed slightly almost bitterly.

"Do exactly as I say when I say it." Aoi said all humor left his voice. Reita gulped knowing this was serious. "Are you wearing a shirt?"

"Yes, but why does it-" Reita looked at his black shirt.

"Take it off." Aoi ordered. Reita stared at the wall.

"WHAT! Why?" Aoi groaned in anger.

"Right now Kai is in a very dark, cold place, he thinks' he's left there and don't dare you think that it's a place anyone would like to be. Now take off your shirt." Reita quickly shed his shirt along with his undershirt. Kai looked up blandly at the noise of the shirt hitting the carpet; how dead his eyes looked made Reita believe every word he was told. "Is it off?" Aoi asked quickly.

"Yes what next? Hurry he looks worse." Reita said quickly.

"Is Kai cold?" Reita reached out and stroked Kai's cheek.

"Yes." He could hear Aoi mutter swear words in dialect. "What do I do?"

"Take off his shirt." Reita on any other circumstances would think Aoi was playing a trick, but Kai wouldn't even respond to anything. Reita gently took Kai's light grey shirt off, setting it on a table nearby. He muttered that he did it, too scared of what might happen to his Kai if he didn't follow instructions. "Now hold him and talk to him, make him know he's not forgotten and never will be. Remind him of GazettE and how needed he is to you-uh to all of us. He should be okay, considering it's you. I'll check in later. Bai-bai." Aoi hung up and Reita was confused but followed directions.

He gathered Kai in his arms and carried him to his room, as he remembered that in interviews Kai had said his room is where he relaxes. At the touch of his skin, Kai seemed to gravitate to it, setting his now tear stained face on Reita's shoulder, lying down Reita made sure that their skin was touching. After an hour Kai had seemed to calm down enough for Reita to feel it was safe enough to talk.

"Kai, what made you think you were forgotten?" Reita murmured. Kai's forehead had ended up resting on his collarbone; there was no need to talk loud. Besides it would startle Kai. Kai rustled his legs, and Reita pulled a blanket up around them.

"She did forget me, there's no 'think'. We dated…three years…I'm forgotten…I'm…not worth remembering." Kai's voice was a dull rasp, as if he was fighting something.

"Kai, do I bother remembering anything unnecessary?" Reita asked slowly.

"No, you only remember what you think is important." Kai said a little sadly.

"So if you're so easily forgettable, why can't I stop thinking about you?" Reita whispered moving Kai's face to two inches from his. Fresh tears started running down his face. Reita wiped them away softly with his fingers. "I don't want to like you…" Kai turned his face away; Reita turned it back with a frown. "But…you're stuck in my head, you're not going to be forgotten by me or the rest of us." Kai turned over, not wanting to believe it. Reita pulled him back against him, setting his head in the crook of Kai's neck. "It confused me how little things you did affected me more than anyone else. You helped me through so much, You getting sick made me drop everything to take care of you, even though you could on your own. You could do a lot of things If I wasn't around by yourself…but I want to help for god knows why." Kai stiffened and Reita laughed. "I'm always telling you your cooking sucks, that your drum beats are slightly off, no matter how perfect they might be…I mean I can't even make spaghetti." Kai looked at Reita at the slightly zoned look in his eyes and the soft smile that played at his lips. He still didn't want to believe. "How could she forget someone like you? The fact she left says she really fucked up." Reita said looking slightly sleepy. He moved to leave for his room as it was four-thirty in the morning and Reita wanted to sleep but didn't want to intrude and Kai seemed fine. He couldn't say anything more to convince Kai and frankly it embarrassed him to be mushy. Kai grabbed a leg on his pants. Kai was staring at the floor, his face turned away.

"Please don't leave me…" Reita gently took the hand; he kissed the hand off handily. He brushed Kai's face and pulled covers over him. "Please."

"I never will until you tell me to go. But I doubt that you're okay with people sleeping in their boxers." Reita half turned to go before Kai grabbed him again.

"I don't care. I usually wear less, don't go." Reita flushed when Kai said that, as he looked him straight in the eye pleading with him not to go. Reita scratched his neck.

"I don't know... it's kind of invasive…" Kai pulled his pants down to his knees. Reita fumbled to pull them back up. "Okay, _okay_ I'll stay. Don't have to pull off my pants." Kai laid back down on the bed as Reita took a pair of his pajama pants to wear as despite Kai being fine with his sleeping wear, he was not. They didn't fit quite as well as his own but they would have to do. He sat on the other side of the bed hesitantly he lay down. Kai smiled slightly and finally seemed to relax. Sitting on the soft bed had awakened a new wave of exhaustion over him and he slowly fell asleep. Minutes later Kai half sat up then looked at Reita smiling slightly, the smile drained away as Kai traced his lips and face, taking off the nose strap and pausing when Reita sniffled. After Kai was sure he was asleep he leaned down and gave Reita a soft kiss before setting his head on his chest and fell asleep, crying slightly in hopelessness. His body conforming to the shape of the one he loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Athazagoraphobia

2

THAP-THAP-THAP. Reita woke to knocking at the door and looked at Kai who still had an arm wrapped around his chest and then was slightly shocked to find his hand resting on Kai's hip. Slowly he detangled himself to go to the door, tying on the nose strap that had somehow got taken off.

Opening the door he saw Emi with a candy in her mouth looking at her phone. After a couple seconds Reita gave a slight cough and she swiped her phone behind her back then she flipped it closed and giggled.

"Hiya Rei." She gave a grin and cocked her head. Reita looked her phone and groaned.

"Emi it's five in the morning." Reita noticed a slight smell. "You smell like sweat and beer. What have you been doing?" Her eyes went wide and she stuttered. She brushed her hair back and jumped when Reita grabbed her hand, "Jo Lin Min, five-eight-nine-seven-six-six-eight-nine-five? Oh look a heart. Well that's a nice heart." Emi yanked her hand out of his grip at the sarcasm. She flipped her hair huffily back. "Oh look he gave you a heart too, ouch wait…that's a hick on your neck." Reita couldn't help the distain coming from him, but this wasn't the first time she had shown up at his door drunk, at least this time she left the man at the bar. Her face screwed up.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? What the hell are you trying to imply?" Emi started yelling, "Jo is a very close friend and I, I, I, uh…hic…forgot his number, yeah that's why it's on there!" she looked proud at herself then frowned when Reita just sighed.

"Don't wake Kai. And for a little tip, next time remember your shirt and don't wear his if you're going to try to say he's a close 'friend'." Emi looked down to her shirt and huffed her bangs out of her face.

"So why do you care? It's obvious you don't like me, with how close you are to…what's his name?" Reita groaned as she kept yelling.

"Kai, that man inside is named Kai, he like cooking, he plays the drums, he welcomes you home if you live with him, no matter how late…he's a man that tries his best on what he's given. But you should know this already." Reita quietly said.

"Oh really? How?" Reita resisted the urge to slap her.

"You Baka, you dated him! How could you not remember? Is the only thing you remember is what you got out of it?" Reita hit the doorframe. "You really screwed up when you let him go Emi, but I just can't be with someone like you anymore."

"What? Why not? Who's going to bail me out?" Emi looked scared.

"Some poor idiot who thinks you're the next big thing." Reita looked tired.

"You know what? Fuck you." she screamed and stormed off and Reita softly closed the door and sat on the chair in the entryway. Reita slowly took off his nose strap and leaned his head on the small table for keys. After a second he felt a hand softly brushing his blond hair, quickly darting back as he looked up. It was Kai he looked troubled.

"I knew I should've closed the door." Reita said setting his head back down and he heard Kai move closer. "Are you okay?"

"I was a little startled when I woke to screaming but yes, my freak-out is over. Sorry to trouble you." Kai picked up Reita's strap and folded the grey fabric. "What was that about? Did she bring another man again?" Reita looked up quickly. "Or did she just reek?"

"How did you?" Reita started, Kai laughed.

"I have relativity good hearing. Reita, why did you stay with her for so long?" Kai sat down with his knees pulled up, his arms resting on top. "She cheated on everyone she dated I guess." Reita smiled slightly.

"I just didn't feel like facing it I guess." Reita stood up and stretched. "I'm going to bed its too early." Kai nodded and walked to the kitchen, "Aren't you sleepy?" Kai nodded yawning slightly. "Then what are you doing?"

"Manager needs to know I'm okay along with the rest of the band." Kai picked up his phone. Putting on a white button up as Reita pulled on a black muscle shirt.

"Did everyone know?" Reita asked sitting at the kitchen table. Kai nodded slightly. Tapping a slight rhythm on the table.

"I freaked out one time on tour when you were getting the equipment from another building and then my shrink told most of the members, well Aoi and Ruki, Uruha found out on his own. I told them not to tell you." Kai dialed a number and waited, sneaking a peek at Reita.

"Well at least you had support." Reita said grinning rather shyly. He set his head down as he listened to Kai habitually start cooking.

"Hai, yes I'm fine. I had help and slept through most of it…I'd rather not talk about it, it's rather embarrassing." Reita laughed slightly as Kai continued talking "Then Reita's girl came and now she's not his girl, yeah finally. No he doesn't know. Yeah...making breakfast, hate you too. That's sounds good yeah bye." Kai swatted Reita as he started laughing. "You should know I have control of your working hours." Reita started laughing harder.

"We work the same hours." Reita laughed. Kai smacked him again as he walked back to the stove. "Make eggs."

"Why should I?" Reita smirked at him.

"Because you think I'm hot without my nose band." Kai flinched. "Your exact words were 'hot without it' as you fell asleep." He grinned now.

"Did not!" Kai spit out face red.

"Really? Then why are you blushing?" Kai turned to the pan roughly stirring the rice. The stove sizzled and sputtered at him in angry protest. Kai jerked when Reita turned him around and pulled Kai's arms over his shoulders. "You think I'm sexy." Kai frowned at him. Reita smiled and stuck out his tongue. "You think I'm sexy as fuck." Reita laughed.

"That's not the point I'm making rice so why make eggs?" Kai said staring at him. Reita almost fell in shock.

"W-wait! You admit it?" Reita said amazed. Kai shrugged and finished stirring the rice and drained it out. Then made two portions and set one at one seat as he took another. "Kai!" Kai simply got two sets of chopsticks and started eating.

"Don't waste food." Kai said with a subtle threat. Reita sat down and started eating the rice. "Why not?" Reita choked slightly on his rice. "It's not like it's something that people don't say. I tell Aoi he should do more suggestive Fan Service too, does that mean I'll waste perfectly good rice? No." Reita smiled and continued eating. Kai stood up to take out a cup and apple juice. He drained the glass cracked his neck then put his dishes in the sink and walked to the basement as Reita finished breakfast. Reita, a few minutes later heard the drum part of Distress and Coma playing.

Kai sat at his drums with his gloves on, playing the familiar song as he tried to forget the recent conversation. As his body moved to the beat he closed his eyes and tried to compose himself and get rid of the bright flush on his face, he jumped when he heard the bass's part join in as he repeated the song. Reita was lying on the futon and had his bass set across his lap playing while singing the lyrics softly. Kai stopped and took out his phone and hit speed dial.

"Band jam, our place. Bring your shit." Kai said as the rest of the band picked up their phones, there was no voice against, as the band hadn't played together in a few weeks.

"Nice and subtle. I don't recall every buying 'shit' for the band equipment." Reita said smirking. Kai smiled and drummed a little more as the rest of the band came down for their jam, happy to see Kai smiling so short after a freak out.

"Told you Reita would work." Aoi said as he passed by. Kai laughed as they started. Happy that he had took advice that was given.

"Reita we played till midnight again…" Uruha said quietly as they sat outside strumming, the others were passed out. Except Aoi, who had managed to drag himself home ten minutes ago. Reita just smiled. "So, you know about Kai now huh?" Uruha said. Reita started strumming Cassis.

"Yeah found out that he was my new Ex's ex." Reita said. Uruha set his acoustic down and turned to him.

"Finally." Reita pushed at him smirking. "She wasn't good for you." Uruha looked over to Kai who was sleeping nearby; he had a soft smile and was curled up to Ruki. "I'm thinking you should date a person I know…" Reita laughed slightly. "Really, I know you not exactly 'straight' but…" Reita stopped strumming and stared at him. "He's a good guy Reita, he's a musician and he has a habit of taking care of people." Reita sat back, considering the possibility. "Brown eyes, dark hair, dimples. He's a centimeter higher then you. And he…" Reita laughed. As Uruha racked his mind for attributes about Kai that Reita might not know. Reita noticed Kai sleeping, and laughed slightly as Kai's nose twitched. Uruha smiled, as Reita had no idea he was watching him. Uruha smirked as he watched him as well. "He's rather innocent isn't he?" Reita nodded strumming again as Ruki woke up and left sleepily waving slightly as a goodbye. "Reita, you like him don't you?" Uruha said as he packed up his acoustic in his bag. Reita was just staring at Kai looking troubled. Uruha shrugged and walked out waving slightly when Reita looked at him. Kai shifted a bit and fell over; he woke with a start and rubbed his head. Reita laughed and strummed out Cassis again. Kai frowned then moved to sit next to Reita, shivering slightly as wind picked up. Reita played a little bit before stopping as Kai fell asleep, falling on him slightly. Reita carefully put aside his bass and picked him up and carried him inside. As soon as he sat him down, Kai woke up slightly.

"Arigato Reita" Kai mumbled and fell asleep again; Reita smiled and brushed his hair back. Kai sniffled as he rubbed his head into his pillow. Reita smiled and walked to his room, pulling off his shirt as he turned on his light, he rubbed at his shoulder as he thought on the day. Kai meeting Emi, Emi forgetting about Kai, Kai having his Freak out, him following Aoi so his Kai won't get hurt- his Kai? Reita stopped changing and stared at his wall.

"Eh?" Reita said. Did he really feel like that for Kai? "Kai?" Reita shook his head and finished undressing. And put his necklaces on the dresser. Reita got into bed and lay down to sleep. A few seconds after closing his eyes they flew open. "Shit…I like Kai." Reita flopped his arms over his head. He picked up his phone and dialed Uruha's number. After five rings Uruha picked up. He could hear faint horns in the background.

"Reita?" Uruha said. Reita sat up and started blurting out his new discovery barely taking time to breathe. "Reita…what the hell are you saying?"

"I love Kai, actually not yet…I think I mean I might, maybe…I don't know…what the hell do I do?" Reita said. Uruha laughed.

"You finally realize that? Reita…it's Kai, only you know what to do." He said carefully as he drove home. Reita sighed and rubbed his head and stood by Kai's door watching him sleep.

"It's Kai Uruha, and Ruki doesn't even know I'm not into girls like he thinks…I don't know what he'd do if he found out…I don't want Kai getting hurt." Reita leaned on the doorway. Kai woke up slightly at Reita's voice. Keeping still he listened closely. "I don't want Kai hurt. I don't want to be the reason for any heartache for Kai…I'm already to blame for Kai's recent heartache. I wish I had realized this sooner, but I don't do anything for him, just insult him." Reita sighed. "I don't think he loves me like the way you think he does." Uruha laughed slightly.

"Kai is a warm and affectionate person, if he says he likes you go ahead and trust him on it. He would be the one to know him best right?" Kai was surprised; first Reita's cell phone had loud speakers, second when had Uruha gotten to know Reita so well? He stopped thinking when Reita responded.

"It's because of that, that I can't tell him how I feel…I can't tell him so what do I do?" Reita said. He moved closer to Kai as he talked ending up a couple feet away staring at him. "This is going to be hell." Uruha laughed at the tiredness in his voice.

"The wild bad boy met his tamer?" Uruha laughed out much to Reita's irritation. Kai pretended to wake and slowly sat up. Reita quickly snapped the phone shut and pretended to be asleep. To Kai's amusement he even pretended to snore. Kai got up and got a glass of water so he could mildly freak-out. He downed the glass, set it in the sink then turned to go, yelling when he saw Reita right behind him. Reita jumped and yelled right back before they both calmed down. Reita leaned on the table and rubbed his neck twice before looking at him.

"I knew you were awake." He said before looking at the table again. "How much did you actually hear?" Kai turned and started to organize the dishes in the sink, dishes that amounted to around six. "I know you didn't hear everything." Kai rubbed his neck.

"Why did you try to pretend to be asleep while standing up?" Kai asked back instead of answering. Reita smiled and shrugged.

"Didn't think about it, just acted, now that I think, it was stupid." Kai laughed and gave him his 'you think' look. "Shut up. I panicked." Reita frowned a bit before laughing. . Kai smiled before pulling out a pan and opening the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of six eggs. "Yes!" Reita did a little dance before he sat down pretending he didn't do anything. Kai laughed and cracked the eggs into a medium blue bowl. As Kai beat the eggs he was humming, smiling slightly. Kai started swaying before dancing slightly in a circle before going back to making eggs. Reita smirked and heard a knock at the door. Kai came up behind him to see a man at the door with Emi sitting smugly on the railing behind him. "Hai?"

"Emi-Chan here told me that you dumped her for a guy…and then bit her neck and threw beer on her. So I'm going to kick your ass." The man said as Reita moved to block Kai from the Man's eyes. He stepped out the door and shut it. He looked at Emi then kicked the door as soon as he heard a soft click. Kai, on the other side got the not so subtle hint, locked the door. He went to the kitchen, took out a bag of ice, turned off the stove, and ran to Reita's room. Reita faced forward as soon as he heard the door click again.

"So you think this is my entire fault?" Reita grinned and brought fists up. "You're wrong buddy boy, she's been getting jailed and worse for much longer then you know." the Man lunged to him and punched, Reita dodged it as his fist connected with the Man's side. He had taken boxing as a hobby that was now paying off. The Man threw a bad punch at his side and his head. Reita dodged and tried to land one on him; unfortunately Emi was helping the man and told him when a punch was coming. Reita hopped back and forward trying not to get hit. He threw out three kicks that landed on the side of the guy's face. Emi screamed at Reita.

"Don't fucking hurt my new monkey! I need him to get back at you!" Emi's face went wide and she ran as the man stood gaping after her. Reita stood gaping at her too. It was unlike her to make a mistake. Reita shook his head; she was probably in debt again. He took the house key out of the planter and unlocked the door, he was about to go in when the man punched him again. Reita flew around and punched him.

"The fuck? Why the hell are we still fighting?" Reita said as the man grimaced.

"I want Emi-Chan to respect me as a man. I need to beat you for that." The man said set on beating him to get his girl. Reita shook his head and went in the house opening the door and inviting the man inside. He closed after the man walked cautiously in. Reita looked around and found Kai on his bed; he walked to Kai to see him curled up and holding a pillow with his face in it. He gently woke him up; the man watched in the door way as Reita explained the whole ordeal to Kai and calmed him down. The man was not cold hearted or blind to their obvious closeness. He shook his head at his stupidity to immediately believe a pretty face over what he saw. Kai noticed the movement immediately.

"STOP!" Kai got up as the man halted. "She got to you too." The man nodded at the statement. "For revenge." He nodded again. "You're a lucky one." The man didn't doubt it as he remembered her hopping from the bar. Running as soon as she was about to be found out.

"Sorry for the trouble, I'll make sure she doesn't bother you guys again, stay together for me okay?" Reita stood up from his previous kneeling position.

"What? We aren't going out. We're just close." Kai nodded despite the hurt he felt. The man smiled and looked at them. "Really!" Kai sat back on the bed. The man left without saying anything further. Kai stared at his hands before going into his office. "Kai are you okay?" Reita asked, wondering why he seemed so occupied. Kai looked back and smiled slightly.

"Nothing is wrong, just wanted to get some work done. You know, band leader and everything?" Kai turned and walked to the office and turned on a recent CD the band he liked had released and sat at his desk and pulled out a binder he hid in his desk. It had snapshots and his favorite pictures of Reita. It included a couple he had sneaked of Reita without a nose strap. He slowly flipped through them, his heart heavy. 'Does he really just think of us as friends? He knows how I feel right?' Kai stopped at a picture taken during a live; it was a close up of Reita's face. Reita had a soft smile and his eyes were shining from joy. Kai ran a finger over the ink imprint of his lips; unconsciously he ran a thumb over his lips as well. Kai sighed and looked at the small landfill he had to work through, putting the binder away he got to work. Kai didn't notice Reita close the door, turning away.

Reita knew the binder, he had found it around a month ago, he had thought as he had flipped through it that it was simply for publicity sake, getting the best pictures of the band in one place was a good idea. But as he had flipped through it and realized he was the only one in it he started to realize what Kai used it for, a secret obsession with a friend. After all you must be prepared to lose your heart if you confess love to anyone, to confess obsession to a close friend…you must be prepared to lose even more. Reita noted with a cynical smile that the binder had grown thick and he would need a new one soon. He walked to the kitchen and cleaned as he thought. 'Did Kai really just see us as friends? If he wanted it like that I would be okay with it, just, just thought that we might be…more.' Reita rested his arms on the sink and sighed. 'I could talk to Kai…but he's busy.' Reita decided to wait as he cleaned up and cleaned other parts of the house that have badly needed his attention. He had cleaned the whole house and had done all the cores they had before his mind even slightly settled down. He looked at the clock; it had been long enough for him to ask Kai if he was hungry. Reita knocked lightly on the door, opening it at after a small time to see Kai looking at the binder again; same position as before, probably the same picture.

"Hey Kai?" Reita waited until Kai looked up with a surprised look. "Hungry?" Kai nodded.

"Hold on and I'll help cook. Just a little more left." Kai put the binder away. "Actually I need your help…" Reita opened the door and came in sitting in a chair. "Manager wants' us to change our look again, something fresh for the new album. The thing is...I don't think we have to, the fans love the look and recently I think that Manager has been steering us in a way the band shouldn't go. If we change our look the fans could be upset, and we changed the look last year for the magazine interview, it's too soon." Reita nodded.

"We would look shallow. The band is doing amazing right now, we can't be unfaithful to the fans or ourselves, we should talk to the whole band about this though, and they would be the deciding factor if the other three want to change their looks." Reita said thinking hard. Kai nodded and set it aside. He picked up a small index card and handed it to Reita. "A Café? What does it have to do with us?" Kai looked at it with distain.

"It's a brothel not a café." Kai's fingers itched to rip it up. "It wants the band to... provide a service, if you know what I mean." Reita ripped it in half. Kai smiled and handed the last paper to him. "Song lyrics to overview." Reita laughed. "Yeah, I know we don't have tons of say. But we really never hated a song before so why fuss?" Reita smirked then went over the song. Kai was startled when he noticed Reita's eyes filling with tears, Reita smiled slightly as he handed it back. "Like it?" Reita nodded. "Ruki wants to keep it private for now, he's not done twiddling with t. he said he wanted you to read it first, that's why it's last. What do you want me to tell him?" Kai said explaining the simple situation. . Reita stared at the paper that had so fully described his feelings. Kai nodded and pulled out his phone, texting Ruki. "I told him you were speechless." Reita smiled and they got up to cook. "You really cleaned up the place." Kai said looking around slightly.

"Had something to think about, it's the easiest way to clear my mind to think." Reita said as he grabbed a drink.

"My god I've never seen the kitchen this clean!" Kai said grinning. Reita laughed, the house had been his before Kai moved in and he was about as clean then as a trash can. Kai had him literally clean up his act; he was pathetic before and grateful for the change. "What do you want to eat?" Kai looked in the pantry as Reita sat down. He knew what he usually said, spaghetti. But he needed some time to figure out what he was going to say. He knew he loved Reita and that Reita felt _something_ for him, but what if it wasn't love? He wouldn't be able to stand it if he lost Reita over something as stupid as unrequited love! Kai bit his lip with his right canine as he debated. Meanwhile Reita had a similar problem, but his problem was different. Reita wasn't one to waste time; they had Uruha and 'his pace' for that. But if he said this wrong Kai might get the wrong impression. Reita just looked at the table as he thought biting the middle of his lip. Kai turned looking at a box for miso. Kai hummed the song that they had just read. Reita listened to his low humming.

"Did Ruki tell you what he was going to name it?" Kai nodded.

"Hanakotoba. The language of flowers if it's in English." Kai said as he pulled a pan out and poured water in it. Reita digested the title.

"Sounds better in Japanese," he said as he tilted back. He set his head on his hands. "Kai…" Reita stared at the table as he thought. Kai's heart leaped into his mouth; beating fiercely he felt a little sick. "What do you think when you think of me?" Kai paused, that wasn't what he thought he was going to say. Kai paused and looked at him.

"I think a lot of things Reita. What do you want to know?" Kai said turning and pretending his heart wasn't impersonating a marathon runner. Reita sighed. '_A lot of things…what does that mean?_' Reita thought as he messed with a lock of hair. "I worry over you a lot." When Reita looked up Kai smiled. "I worry sometimes that you don't have a nose. Then I worry that you wear the 'nose tanga' a little too much. I worried about your relationships. I worry about everyone though." Kai said turning back. "I think about what we should do about the band. I think about the lonely look you get on your face when you think no one is looking." Reita stared at the table. '_Lonely? Am I lonely_?' Reita messed with a flower on the table. "That look right there." Kai said as Reita looked up to see Kai with a strange look on his face. "If I can't fix your loneliness then who will?" Kai said, his face seeming so sad. Reita stared at the table again.

"You worry too much about your friends…I'm fine right now I'm not lonely." Kai hit his head.

"Not just right now, this past half a year. You seem so lonely." Kai felt for him, he knew how loneliness felt. "I don't want you to feel that way." Kai gave him a slight hug before cooking. '_I can't tell him, I'm just too afraid._' Kai thought as he turned and turned on the radio. Both were silent as the radio played a sad love song.

'It's not what you said; it's the way you say it. It's not what you did; it's the way you do it. Sick and tired of needing you affection, I chose to be lonely, then live without your attention.'

Both, unseen by the other smiled cynically. Kai finished the soup and then had small talk about nothing.

They both were lost in separate worlds of their own worries and loneliness.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry guys, not going to be updating for a while. I have to prioritize my writing. If you want a story or want me to continue a story, drop me a line. Again sorry I'll update when able.


	4. Chapter 3 actual

**An:** Okay, ohayo~ Guten Tag~...Okay I'll be honest...I restarted because of the reviews X3 and on that note THANK CHU~! -hands out goodie bags- (you'll see what it is if you read on~!) I can't believe people like this!...XD and I noticed all my spelling mistakes...please regard it kindly

3

"Ne Kai-kun, want to go to a party huh?" a small blond doll-like girl suddenly grabbed Kai's arm. GazettE had decided to throw a small party…by GazettE, Aoi, Uruha, And Ruki decided their beloved bubbly Kawaii Kai had grown a little too quiet. Kai turned to look at the girl holding his arm to her chest and batting her eyes up at him and felt a small bit of revulsion. After Emi he never liked the overly flirty type.

"I'm sorry Miss, were we introduced?" Kai smiled too wide for it to be real and the girl knew it. Blinking two times in shock she frowned slightly then went to hit on a cameraman. Kai sighed again turning back to his table and continue making notes for an upcoming album. Aoi, who had watched the entire thing growled slightly.

"Oi, Kai." Aoi whipped the book from Kai and stuck his tongue out slightly. "It's a party not a board meeting. Get smashed like Uruha." Aoi pointed at Uruha who giggled, burped, drank another glass, smacked Aoi for saying that, and then fell asleep in Aoi's lap. Not nessicarily in that order.

"He just likes you." Kai muttered not caring weather or not Aoi heard him. Kai glanced at Reita who had his head down on the table and Kai could see his shoulder muscles working. 'What are you doing?' Kai thought and looked under the table slightly snorting lightly when he saw Reita was tying his shoes. Reita hiccupped slightly even though Kai knew he didn't drink that much yet. Hell Kai had only drunken apple juice the entire night. Kai smirked at himself and tried to enjoy the party, not noticing Reita glance up and him slightly sadly, having watched the girl throw her at him. Reita bit at his lip as he watched Kai. How was he going to stand this? Reita rubbed at his chest, why was it hurting right now? Reita sighed feeling tired and drunk some more.

The first thing Kai did when he woke up was dress and then he walked into Reita's room. His feet were quiet as he sat next to the bed and watched Reita's face in sleep. He had started to sleep on his side facing him, his body in slight fetal, as if he was afraid of still getting hurt, He stared at his sleeping face while he thought for half an hour. Then as always he went to start breakfast before Reita got up. He made a recent favorite of his for breakfast. He only made one serving but dirtied a dish and set it in the sink so Reita would think that he had eaten. He did this a lot. Then he went to the bathroom and started the shower. He stepped in the steaming water and cried.

The first thing Reita did when he woke up was smell Kai in his room. This happened quite a lot but he knew Kai hadn't been in his room. Then he got dressed and walked in the kitchen. The dish was slightly steaming. Reita stared at it, and then slowly sat by it before poking at it with a nearby chopstick. He didn't want to eat. He threw the food away. He checked in the sink to see if Kai had eaten and smiled when he saw the small dish. At least Kai wasn't feeling as bad as he did. Then he walked to his room and brushed his hair as Kai came out of the bathroom with a red face. Quickly retreating to his room to dry off.

A knock at the door reminded them that it wasn't just them. The door opened to reveal Uruha in plain jeans and a purple and gray tee. He seemed completely at ease in their house as he came in and restocked the refrigerator and threw out what had gotten bad. The two of them had been in the house for a week in their own spots. Reita in the basement absently practicing songs over and over again, Kai in the offices doing work that really didn't need to be done. They all came to band practice and their playing hadn't diminished one bit but even then everyone had realized that something was wrong. He knew what was wrong with Reita; they couldn't have been best friends for so long without Uruha figuring out the bassist. He walked to Reita's room to find him brushing his hair. He took the brush and smacked him.

"You are a complete Baka." Uruha said before tossing the brush on his bed. Reita stared at the floor and let Uruha yell, he was an idiot. He couldn't tell Kai he loved him even when he was practically told by him that he loved him. A complete idiot. Reita nodded slightly as Uruha sighed. He stood in front of him and pulled him into a hug. Reita was never good at saying what he needed to at the important times. Reita, feeling lost and slightly panicked gratefully took the hug. Reita made up his mind.

"I'm going to tell him." He gripped the arm in front of his face, as Uruha maternally kissed his forehead. They heard a small crash of glass and they looked up to see Kai. His eyes were wide with obvious pain and shock. Reita rushed to help Kai get the help but he was too slow and Kai had already run off. Uruha gaped as Reita stood frozen still with a hand reached out to help. Reita brutally cursed and flew out the door.

'_What the fuck was that_?' Kai mentally anguished as he ran as fast as he could from his home. The image of Uruha kissing Reita was embedded in his mind. '_He knows how I feel!_' Kai shook his head as he ran into a couple unlucky souls who didn't move in time. He knew Reita would give chase the minute he ran out of the house. He knew Reita was faster as well. But being Kai he was smaller and he slipped into a store and ran to the back. He peeked between the shelves as he saw Reita pause in front of the glass front as he tried to find Kai. Kai fell to the floor so he wouldn't be seen and missed seeing Reita's frantic face. As he walked out of the shop Kai questioned why he felt so disappointed that Reita hadn't found him. He rubbed his face and almost immediately he was run into by Ruki.

"Get out of my- oh, hey." Ruki greeted his friend while simultaneity wiping the venomous look off his face. Kai saw Reita farther down the street looking around. It was only a matter of time before he saw him. Kai thought quickly.

"Hi Ruki, you got my text? Oh great, we should walk this way." Kai guided the small blond man away from the taller blonde. Ruki was completely confused but trusted his friend and went along. Kai walked into a small café nearby. "Thanks Ruki." Kai sighed. He sank into a seat sighing with relief. "You want something? It's on me." Ruki stared at his friend before carefully sitting down.

"Kai is something going on?' Ruki asked watching his friend carefully. "Did something happen with Reita?" Kai flinched then grinned.

"No way why would you think that?" Kai grinned then motioned for a waitress. '_So that's what's bothering Kai… but what happened?_' Ruki's clever mind worked at the problem while he ordered coffee.

"Just the fact that you were running from him, that's all." Ruki said offhandedly as he sipped the steaming drink. "But what I want to know is why you're avoiding each other the past couple of practices. Usually you guys are close, but I guess that you don't talk about your problems as much as you used to." Ruki said with a glare. Kai shifted a little guiltily; usually he tried to talk a little.

"I just didn't want to talk about it." Ruki softened his glare; this was Kai, not some underling that didn't listen.

"What's wrong?" Ruki said. Kai looked at his friend, wondering how much he could tell him without upsetting him. "Come on it's not going to kill you." '_It might…_' Kai thought with a morbid grin. All he could think about is Ruki's quick temper if the wrong thing was said.

"I don't want to see Reita right now." Kai stared into his cup of tea. "I don't know who to talk to about it either," Ruki laughed.

"It might not be a problem if you talked to Reita about it. You could talk to any of us, why would you think that you couldn't?" Ruki said with a soft worried smile. Kai drank a little tea before adding sugar.

"Well, Aoi is too blunt sometimes, Reita's part of the problem, along with Uruha." Ruki pointed at himself. "We're sitting here aren't we?" Ruki laughed. "Who do you think would be gay?" Ruki looked confused.

"Anyone?" He asked and Kai nodded. "Well Mana from Malice Mizer, he has the thigh-high-fuck-me boots thing, and to be completely honest Reita and Uruha." Ruki thought on it and half missed Kai's flinch.

"Why them?" Kai tried to be nonchalant about it but he could quite make it.

"The way Uruha dresses at lives and for our PVS, and Reita mostly because of the way he looks at you. Not saying you're gay, but you kind of give the same look back…you're not a couple or anything right?" Ruki stared at Kai, reading his facial features. Kai stared in his cup.

"I don't know, sometimes I'll catch that look…and it's not like he's ugly or anything you know?" Ruki nodded. Kai shrugged. "I guess he just doesn't think of me that way."

"Do you think of him like that?" Ruki asked softly, it didn't seem to him that they talked about this, or even if Kai really thought this through. Kai wriggled slightly, '_Why did Ruki have to ask such blunt questions?_'

"Well I wouldn't say no, and I know I uh, like him-," Kai started.

"You idiot you love him don't you?" Ruki said a little angrily, if Reita didn't like him that way it'll be a problem for the band, and for Kai. Kai smiled slightly and nodded. "You didn't tell him did you?" Kai drained his cup and stared at the table. Ruki swore and took a drink of his now cold coffee. "Waiter! We need more coffee and oolong!" a small woman at the counter nodded and brought the pots over, she noticed the tense atmosphere and left the pots on hot plates. Ruki smiled slightly as she left, _'she's getting a tip,'_ he thought offhandedly as he drank the coffee and noticed it was the same kind he ordered. Black and very strong. Kai had refilled his glass and sipped at it.

"I didn't _tell_ him, but I know I'm not _hiding_ it either. And he's not exactly dumb." Kai said and Ruki nodded, agreeing. He hid it well but this was a rather big shock to him, but Kai was his friend and practically a brother…he wasn't going to let him anguish about this on his own.

"So what happened?" Ruki asked softly then waited and listened quietly while Kai shakily told what he had seen. When he got to the kiss Ruki sputtered out the coffee he had in his mouth into a quickly got napkin. "Uru-chan? No no no you're mistaken, Uru wouldn't do that. Besides him and Reita have been best friends for 15 years plus." Ruki noticed that Kai's anxiety hadn't left him. "Kai you know that's ridiculous. Uruha is a big brother to everyone, Reita probably was just talking." Ruki sighed and stood up and paid for the drinks before going and sitting back down. "You have to talk to Reita, though it seems you've already decided on what happened…" Ruki shook his head and Kai cringed. He was doing that Kai stood up and ran out of the store yelling thank you. Ruki grinned and sat back, winking at the waitress as he walked past. Kai ran down the street just missing Reita but not paying enough attention to realize he had found him. He ran to the corner and spotting a blonde on the other side ran as a car came his way. Reita yelled and pulled him back his arms crossing tightly across Kai's chest.

"The hell is wrong with you? Green light for them means NO WALK for you!" Reita half yelled before staring at Kai's smiling face. "…what?" Kai turned and gave him a hug before laughing.

"Found you." Kai said before starting to walk home. Reita stared after Kai before following with a smirk. As they walked to the house Reita thought on what he was going to say to Kai when they sat down to talk, if they even talked. And neither of them had the courage to say anything before getting to the apartment.

Reita opened the door to the apartment and sighed. "Kai we need to talk," Kai nodded slightly as he entered the apartment. They did need to talk. At last Kai wanted to say outright what he felt, if he _could_. He sat on the couch curling up slightly as Reita walked into the kitchen to get drinks for them both. Coming back with apple juice for Kai and a glass of water for him, he sat relatively close but not any closer than usual. Kai drank some of his juice sneaking a glance at Reita over the rim of his glass. Reita was staring at the glass in his hands before he looked at Kai. Reita was as red as Kai thought humanly possible. Kai searched for the right words to say. Kai climbed slightly into Reita's lap and kissed is jaw then leaned close to his ear with a red face.

"I love you Reita. I have for a while now." Kai murmured near his ear his face a flame. "I'm okay if you don't love me back, but I want to still be friends." Kai thought he would die from embarrassment as he sat back down on the couch and stood smiling. "Well I'm going to cook now, are you hungry? Let's have something western." Kai turned and walked to the kitchen and pulled out a random pan and started filling it with water and started rambling about Ruki's dong and a video game that he had beaten Uruha in, granted Uruha hadn't admitted it but he had won. Reita smirked and Kai started stammering hard. Reita came up behind Kai and set his head on his shoulder and reached around to turn off the water. Kai jolted when Reita turned his head in and wrapped his arms around Kai.

"You can't fill up a strainer with water, and...I love you too." Reita said half hiding his face in Kai's neck. "I feel like a teenager in love with the cheer captain." Kai laughed and scratched is nose. "You didn't!" Reita stared wide eyed at Kai.

"He was flexible and damn hot." Kai muttered slightly red. Reita laughed setting his head on Kai's shoulder blade. Then, as if they remembered what they were doing they both took a large step away, their shyness making their faces beet-red. "I think we should take it slow...yeah?" Kai stated looking at Reita to see if it was ok. He didn't want to force him to do anything. Kai still couldn't believe that Reita loved him. Sure Uruha had hinted to him, but…_hell_ it was _Reita_! Reita smiled slightly as Kai unintentionally zoned out staring at nothing in particular. Reita took the dripping steel strainer out of his hands and set it on the counter shocking Kai out of his thinking. Reita, refusing to look Kai in the face gave a quick kiss to his forehead then moved to the refrigerator on the other side of the room. Kai smiled, then he started making spaghetti, if he remembered right, it was Reita's favorite.

**AN: **Did you see it Dears? I did have to edit it a bit so the flow wasn't like they're immeaditly healed of their issues...hate stories like that. Leave a review~ they make me so happy! -bounces-


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